Happy 3-year Anniversary

to me.
3 years ago today I got home from the mish. what a trip. It feels like someone else's lifetime. like stories someone has told me so many times I can tell them like they happened to me. but they didn't.
Tonight Andrew told the family stories about his mission, which of course sparked stories in me. Stories I didn't know I had. they just sprang out of me: Spring!
People I have loved and almost forgotten. Or some I will never forget. As buried as they may be, they surface. time and again.
I have been good. and bad. I have been so many things since my mission. But I am happy today, that I am on the road to being the woman my missionary self would have admired. I'm happy to find that the gospel of Jesus Christ has so much depth, even in the simple things. That faith and forgiveness. Redemption. all have expanded meaning for me compared to then, even at that spiritual peak.
I hope that when I'm 85 (oh for goodness sake, if I'm not dead yet!) I can wish myself a happy 60th anniversary from some even loftier vantage point. Sana. Sa awa ng diyos.

5 reasons to fall in love

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happy valentines

oh man, what was I thinking

so, I have finally found some employment, in the form of substitute teaching. Last Friday was my first time and I got to work as a substitute librarian. Pretty nice, albeit a little on the quiet side. HA! the thought that I ever complained about that makes me laugh like a prima donna, first lady of the hour.
BECAUSE, today I substituted for jr high history and it wasn't quiet anymore. It was pretty much full-on insanity. just like the movies--teacher leaves; cut to the sub, head down on her desk in despair while ADD ridden cretins run around the room yelling. At lunch (30 min.) it was all I could do to sit there dumbstruck after the bell rang and the last hellion had filed out of the class. I think I sent out a few distress signals.
help me. I've been swallowed by a whale. a pre-teen whale.
I've always been a teacher that didn't have a firm grasp on discipline. I remember now, that would sometimes frustrate me with my missionaries and with my anatomy students. But this is on a totally different level. this is nuts.
I'd say 50 bucks isn't worth a day of this strange hell. but I already had to put so much money upfront (14 bucks for my TB test; 15 bucks to run my fingerprints), plus my pride/desire to be master of all I see. I mean, here I am handed a weakness on a silver platter. shouldn't I make a go at making it a strength? but I may die trying. Really. I may die.

Dog love

I dream about Frank several times a week. and I have a theory that he is in all of my dreams. just not always in an obvious way. Sitting there in a dream corner, he's the rug or part of the light fixture.
sometimes the dream is all about him--dying all over again, or barking away faceless trouble just outside my door.
Or else being cute and warm on my bed when we've both just woken up. fat belly up, hair guinea-pig-matted from sleep
sometimes I am aware of him in the background--being walked, or crouching down on his front paws, taking note of the crazy dream-play going by.
It's been 3 years. do you think I'll ever shake him

old friends

I'd prefer you as a memory, a point of interest on my travelogue.
wouldn't we like it distant and always perfect? You can remember me hazy. a photograph from the forties, blurred until we are beautiful. I'll make you a mood. those new boots in Winter. the night's thrill of crunching snow.
We could be a poem. clean, concise, efficient. leave out the vulgarity of insignificant details: your bathrobe on the floor; the hair on this carpet

Does Amanda Bynes have ears?

something fishy is going on.