Fighting Poetry with Poetry

Your Catfish Friend

If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them."

Richard Brautigan





Lullaby


Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral:
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful.

W.H. Auden

Season's Greets from P-town

Oh, what?
yeah I'm in provo. Here's the weirdest part so far: it feels like I just left provo yesterday and yet a year and a half has definitely passed--I see it in people's weight and wrinkles, and babies that are toddlers and big crazy buildings that sprouted up over night. It makes me feel like Rip Van Winkle, if you can know what I mean. and it's a little unnerving.
good news: the mountains are constant.
and andrew has been away the whole time too, so at least we are sharing this wild dream together
Provo is lovely. my family is big and beautiful. the sky is so big now, without my boston trees. my hair dries fast:)
but I miss you Boston already. my shiny city and my crazy streets. my wilderness.
you've definitely snuck into my soul
and bothered my sense of home
I know we will be together again. I'm just not finished with you baby
Merry Christmas!! God lives and loves you. I love you.
erin

It is such a treat to have you back in my world
Hallelujah and every kind of praise

my Boston Down

well my days are numbered in this city of bean dreams and willa billas. on the 21st I will be back in provo to celebrate Christmas and Andrew's homecoming.

my plan is to hangout there for at least a semester before my last great semester of classes, which I will take at the University of the Philippines in Manila (Fall of next year).

Today is my first last day: my last Saturday here in this crazy eastern state

In honor of this boston count down, I thought I might offer a little listing over the next week of delights that Boston has given me, offered me, and thrust upon me. TY Boston. ur da best!

today's shoutout goes to:
*the way true Bostonians say my name ("Aaa-ren"--heavy on the "Aaa")
*the unexpected, but great, incentive to bust out my professional babysitting skills again (after a 10 year hiatus)
*the T (how I love the T!!!!!)
*funny things that squirrels do
* my charles

It's coming

One week peeps.

and our Elder Beck is back home. Kind of shocking. but soooooooooooooooooo great.

"They look so much dang like the same person, I say 'you want icecream?' both of them say 'yes'

'What in the heck?'

'They are tweens, that is why.'
'What the heck"

from a happy place

well, I am writing tonight from one of my happy places--the Kitterman home--where I am pulling an overnighter. Kids are asleep (FINALLY. it took no less than 8 picture books), cats are asleep-ish, the place is cleaned up. and it's just me and my jammies playing like I own the place. I've been thinking a lot about families lately. What makes them so great and what I would have to do to make mine even greater. blame it on all these family-themed movies that have been coming out: the Family Stone, Dan in Real Life, Little Miss Sunshine, Meet the Robinsons (just watched that one tonite with the kiddies, actually). The Grapes of Wrath, which did not just come out, but which I am still reading.
Our families are these mini-worlds. we make laws and patterns that don't necessarily reflect reality. I think of the world my mother created when I was little--where saying "shut-up" was next to murder & where there was some kind of second-wave depression going on so we had to wear our clothes until they wore out (regardless of fit or fashion) and use spatulas to eek out the last scrapings of peanut butter in the jar.
(sidenote: I still fight a wave of guilt any time I throw away a ziplock bag instead of cleaning it up and reusing it)
In my mom's world it wasn't weak or naive to be tenderhearted (which all of my siblings are)--something she taught us crying over stories she read to us from the Friend, and at the deaths of our pets.
I don't mean to disturb anyone, but I think families are more than that traditional kind. I think they are wherever we are at and with whomever we choose to be with. it just takes two people choosing to believe in the same thing--two people willing to play the game. I don't know, maybe for some people it only takes one. or one and some cats or something.
In my family I want a place that is open. sharing (most people who know me well know my sense of possession is kind of...blurry). A place with lots of food and people and music. I don't want anyone ever to be shushed. I want a little love-shack. like dancing with the girls earlier, until we were worn out and huffing on the floor. like people who aren't too scared to admit they need eachother
I know that kind of family requires those same things out of me. you know, I have to be the amerigo vespucci of that world. that new world. but I am willing to work on that
anyways, those are my thoughts tonite from my happy place. I love my family. let's face it, you don't make it that hard ;)
sweet dreams.
erin

Happy Birthday Mama Mia

I love you!!!

I made it to the Canada

today we are going to see FEIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! woot!woot!

I know you're all jealous, because I have been eating french fries with gravy and cheese curds and drinking my milk from a bag...but I'll be home soon, eh

my girls

Here are three of the girls (Amanda, Brianna and Jasmen) I have been working with on my digital story telling internship. Hmmm...so far I have been unsuccessful at explaining to anyone what exactly it is we are doing, so I'm certainly not going to try here. You'll just have to wait for our finished projects (which will be online near the end of December). But for now, aren't they cute?!

happy T day

Yeah, I made that beast with my own two hands and a pair of bamboo needles. The big question is: If you were a dude, would you wear it? actually, Would you pay to wear it? I made it for our ward's sub for santa auction, but I don't know, I look pretty hot in this picture (pjs at 1pm, no surprise there) so if the bids aren't high enough I may just sneak it on back home.
Well happy thanksgiving. Last year I wrote a big ole list of gratitude and for my sacrament meeting talk this last sunday I pulled a similar stunt (having not written anything useful up until 10 minutes to blastoff), so THIS year my loves, I won't bore you with any of that nonsense. Instead I'll just offer a simple story of thanks:
hmmmm.
I forgot it, so I guess I'm not all that grateful after all. what a re.
well, love you. keep it real: eat turkey. For those of you who I will see in less than a month: see you in a month. for those of you I won't: how sad :(, maybe you should see me?. and for those of you who see me all the time, but are reading this blog illegally: stop stalking me. in the spirit of T day, however, I love you all. regardless of your current status. ingats: erin

100 things about me (who else)

1. I like my yolks runny
2. And my toast well done
3. My ears are totally different from each another
4. I like my socks mismatched
5. Or not at all
6. My favorite color has been blue, green, yellow and red
7. But never pink
8. Right now it’s white
9. My favorite month is October
10. I’ve never seen a UFO
11. Or a ghost
12. Or a moose
13. I am secretly superstitious
14. I have had the most pets of all my siblings
15. And the least fillings (0)
16. I’m Dado’s favorite granddaughter (or so I’ve been told)
17. I cannot surf
18. Or snowboard
19. Or cook
20. But I plan to learn eventually
21. I am a loyal friend
22. And a horrible backseat driver
23. I’m a gentle kisser
24. I have a collection of pens that won’t work, but still have ink in them
25. I can’t stand to throw them away
26. My hope springs eternal
27. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff, including: octopus tentacles, cow stomach, rattlesnake, pig ears & brains (mixed with mayonnaise), dog, balut, beetles, and cow poop soup
28. I have never eaten rabbit
29. I have a mad crush on Christopher Walken
30. Sometimes I am politically incorrect
31. I like to eat my food with chopsticks
32. I’m attracted to wit
33. But turned off by guile
34. I love handwritten letters
35. And I never throw away a good one
36. Music is my heroin
37. I’ve had my heart seriously broken, at least once
38. Maybe twice
39. I have never broken a bone
40. But I’ve had stitches on my chin twice
41. And had surgery 3 times
42. I hate eggnog
43. Black licorice
44. And green pepper
45. But every once in a while I eat them just to shake things up
46. George Harrison is my favorite Beatle
47. Come Come Ye Saints is my favorite hymn
48. Thursday is my favorite day
49. I can sit and think for hours without getting bored
50. I hate being alone at night
51. I admire ascetic lifestyles
52. I find beautiful people hidden in unlikely places
53. I laugh when people fart
54. Once I love someone I don’t ever stop
55. But earning my love can take years
56. I dream about Frank, my dog, more than anyone else
57. Merran Owen is 2nd
58. I suck at lying
59. But sometimes I lie anyway
60. I can’t talk about anatomy or physiology without geeking out
61. I used to be crazy scared of spiders
62. But now I like them (they eat bugs)
63. Except when they jump
64. I hate flying cockroaches
65. I don’t remember my Father
66. Except for his funeral
67. I have a crap sense of direction
68. And always make faulty first impressions
69. I can’t do a straight cartwheel
70. On good days I am a believer
71. I write songs and poetry for my ears only
72. Stranded on an island I would read Les Misrables
73. Eat pizza
74. Listen to the Messiah
75. And take Andrew Colin Beck
76. I love paintings by Vermeer
77. I have studied Russian, French, Swahili, Tagalog, Ilokano and Spanish
78. But I have forgotten most of it
79. I like horizontal stripes
80. Even on fat people
81. When I’m alone I talk to myself
82. And argue with the radio
83. And dance wildly
84. I don’t take hints, as a rule
85. I keep a messy room
86. I have never voted
87. But this year I registered for the first time
88. I think I’m a democrat
89. Or a libertarian
90. I never met a piece of sushi I didn’t like
91. But sake nigiri is my favorite
92. In my experience, to understand someone is to love them
93. I believe in love at first sight
94. But some of my greatest loves started as great loathes
95. I hate flossing
96. I have bad posture
97. Dogs and kids bring out the best in me
98. Unless they’re mean
99. I chew on my pens
100. This is my 100th post on my blog

sushi strike

our happy halloween

the 66

Leslie and I are going to be Leslie and the Lys for Halloween. I guess that automatically makes me the "Lys". We spent several hours last night shopping for rhinestone sweaters and waiting on the 66.
Bus 66 is my lifeblood right now because it connects me (home & Les) to work, church, school, Abs and coolidgecorner. too bad it's always running late. it's supposed to go every 10 minutes but lately you'll wait half an hour and then it will come with 2 or 3 buses in tow. man that bus. I think I'm going to start a 66 fan club. It's okay 66, you're doing great. I love you

Obama and me in Kindergarten

what's a girl to do

when she suddenly finds herself alone after two incredible weeks with two of her best friends (the mom and Tanya)?? it's a hard life.

Actually that's what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking of something the beautiful Becca Smith wrote once on her blog, which was that everyone seems to be going through something hard right now. this year there has been so much sickness, death and war. lately I feel like so many of the people I love have been carrying the weight.

I am ready for everyone's lives to go back to boring old "fine". But if things don't, I want you all to know that I love you and I am here to send you pics of me in fake mustaches when you're sad and blackmail-worthy scandalous pics when you doubt my love, and over the top cheesy emails pretty much whenever. Because I love you, dang it, And I'm going to love you come hell or highwater. so get used to it.

That's it. have a happy week! have a fine week. you are beautiful ;)

erin

the mom is here

good times. I have had two back to back guests and though poor Leslie is probably ready to not have a bum living on the couch, I am happier than a dirty shirt

Two pics hiking with the mom in the NH white mountains

Mom, me and Leslie Looking pretty great after the Tufts 10K (which mom smoked!!)

dude love

tan

the new place :)

kind of lame, but at least you can see where I live






bonus footage :)

our new place

standard and fantasy color

Isn't our view sweet. I don't have a camera, but I'll use Leslie's later

Hey Merran Owen!!

ps

sorry that's my only digital pic of you and your birthday was on the 23rd, but happy bday anyway! shout out to the prairie.

THIS IS IT! for now

Hey dudes.
I am back in boston and things are a little nuts
so you can count on more Boston it Up DELIGHT!! early September. and it's going to be delightful!, so, as Yoda always says, HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS!

peace out
no doubt
ben stout

Top 5 Mysteries of Mexico

5. No Catcalls
(as opposed to constant harrassment in the other countries I've visited)
4. Refridgeration?!!
they have refridgerators, why don't they use them? I don't get it.
3. Horrible/complete lack of Water Pressure
Like, showering in a trickle and flushing 3 times (everytime) to get everything down. I don't know, this is pretty typical for outside of the US, so I guess the real mystery is Why is the US's water pressure so good...?
2. People who actually understand my Spanish (sometimes)
I always feel like I'm getting away with some kind of deception, like a kid making up a fake language, like it's always shocking when people can actually understand and give an appropriate response (and then sometimes I understand THEM and it's crazy!!)
1. Where are all the Burros??!!!!!

this silly little story about my soup

A quick one. Back in Cuernavaca (I'm in Taxco now, which is so much better) it was always such a pain trying to get food. Well I had spent a whole day climbing up and around these pyramids on just the 2/3 of a mango that Fanny, my 80 yearold landlady, always gives me in the morning. When I finally got back to town (after waiting 2 hours for a bus that supposedly runs every half hour) it was late enough that I had to hurry and take my minibus home where there are lots and lots of cheesy ceramic animal shops, but not a lot foodwise. I was so exhausted, but I was also so hungry I kind of slumped around town looking for food. Finally I found a restaurant open and I was so happy. I sat down and they handed me a menu and since I didn't understand any of it I just pointed to something and hoped for the best.
So the waitress brought me a bowl of basically hot chicken water with a few sad carrot slices and cilantro leaves. At the point I started to wonder if maybe I had ordered a meal, like the people next to me and like I've had before here--where they give you little courses and soup is the first course. Afterall I think I pointed to something on the menu involving chicken and surely that meant whatever it was had to actually have some chicken in it. So my dilemma was do I eat all my soup and lots of the free tortillas, assuming this will be my only meal, or do I just eat a little and hope this is only the first course. (You would think I had another option, which is try and figure it all out with the waitress, but my exhaustion and the 80mph spanish of the waitress at this point wouldn't let me).
In the end that sad soup was the only thing I got and if I had known I would have at least eaten all my free tortillas.
That's the whole story. I think Pat and I had very similar experience one hungry, and frustrating, night in Zanzibar. Yeah for world travel and confusion.

Bob Esponja

is Spongebob Squarepants in Spanish

SONETO XLIV

Sabrás que no te amo y que te amo
puesto que de dos modos es la vida,
la palabra es un ala del silencio,
el fuego tiene una mitad de frío.

Yo te amo para comenzar a amarte,
para recomenzar el infinito
y para no dejar de amarte nunca:
por eso no te amo todavía.

Te amo y no te amo como si tuviera
en mis manos las llaves de la dicha
y un incierto destino desdichado.

Mi amor tiene dos vidas para armarte.
Por eso te amo cuando no te amo
y por eso te amo cuando te amo.

Pablo Neruda

Ballet Folklorico

Irma bribed a guard and got us in to see the famous Mexican Ballet Folklorico (tickets are about 60 dollars). they did folk dances from around the country, including a lot of dances and songs from the revolution. the best (and most famous) is the Dansa del venado, the deer dance, where a man dances around the stage like a deer. it sounds silly, but its actually really athletic and awesome to watch. he dances to these awesome drumbeats, until the end when he's shot with arrows and dies and the drumming dies as well.
Tomorrow I am leaving for part two of my travels. this part I'll be on my own so I'm excited and a little nervous, but mostly excited. Hasta la escriba. erin

Muchos photos por ustedes! (big fun for you!)

Yesterday we ended up at a ranch of movie star animals. lots of Cowboys and crazy animals and I got to ride a caballo! (I'm too big for burros) This pig was in the movie Apocolypse Now.

In Teotehaucan they have some amazing Aztec ruins. definitely the coolest thing I've seen in Mexico. The day we went there was a total lightening storm, what better time to climb to the top of the Pyrimide del Sol?


View of the smaller pyramid (pyrimide de la luna, pyramid of the moon) from atop the larger pyramid of the sun.

Pyramid del Sol, thought to actually have been an Aztec temple to the God of waterThe other temple (closed for repairs)


These pics are from the Plaza of the Mariachis. a plaza full of mariachi players serenading people for money. it was a big crazy party, even on a wednesday night.

2 bonus pictures for anyone that made it this far

me (haha) eating Elote, which is corn on a stick, smothered in mayonaise and then sprinkled with cheese and chili sauce. pretty great

The pharmacy of God.

I wonder what He charges for ARVs.

mexico is BIG fun

well Mexico is very funny because I don't ever really know what is going on.

por exemplo: last night I was talking to Irma, the 54 year old woman whose house I am staying at. Irma does not speak English (the way I do not speak Spanish) and usually I have one of her kids handy to help translate, but last night it was just the two of us. We were talking about my plans for traveling around Mexico and the places I had been in Mexico city. Then for some reason she started talking about hair and beauty salons and hair dressers and I was really tired so I was just like "whatever", kind of half asleep while she kept talking and then our talk turned into this crazy lesson on Spanish, starting with the alphabet and the concept of lowercase versus uppercase letters (!!). pretty much the greatest night ever.

Anyway, today this lady shows up at the house to cut and dye my hair! I guess Irma was disturbed by the fact that only half my hair is black (Abby dyed the innermost/longest layer black a while ago) and that I recently cut my hair myself. hahah. luckily, when the lady came Joan (my new friend/tourguide from Panama) was here to help me explain that I actually MEANT to have two toned hair. I would have enjoyed the experience of a Mexican haircut, but the femullet incident in the Philippines has really made me shy away from cross-lingual haircuts.

Irma (the mom of Hiram and Christian) and Hiram--they are the Mexican Aunt Marty and Andrew Beck, much to my delight!

Joan and her husband, Christian

I think I'm in love

El mural, Velocidad
This is a mural by David Siquieros called Velocidad, or, Speed. I read about it in my guide book (under murals less traveled by) and really wanted to find it because it is of a woman runner, como yo. Well, it really was less traveled by, no one had heard of it or knew where it was, even the guards guarding the plaza where we found it.

Un Policia con Caballo

Joan kept telling me I could take his picture, but I was afraid he would arrest me or something, so I just kind of took it and ran.

Un mural de Diego Rivera en la Palacia National
This mural depicts the history of Mexico, something which I am becoming more and more fascinated by. There's just so much more there than our boring U.S. heritage. Maybe because in the end the colonizers lost, so the story is through the mouths of the ones who were oppressed.
We pretend that's what happened in the U.S., but let's be honest

check this dude out!

He is a half fish, half crocodile from Tabasco. Viva el Mexico!!!